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I’m no stranger to this park. I’ve been coming here on and off, occasionally, for the past 50 some odd years. The village was the place to go when I was in college and I even lived nearby in the 1950s. The park has more people in it on a summer Sunday afternoon than it used to. But it’s still a place where anything goes, everyone’s okay just the way they are and as an ex-boyfriend once put it—one of the few true things he ever uttered—nobody bothers your ass.
I’m 84 now and nobody treats me like the cutie pie I once was. Small wonder, because my face is cheek to cheek wrinkles. And when I think about what I’ve accomplished—or failed to accomplish—in my lifetime, well, it can be pretty depressing. But I’m hoping that my being here will be enough of an uplift to carry me through at least the rest of the next week of my life. I feel a bit more optimistic about things—not so self-dissatisfied. I think it’s the Village that gives you that feeling and this place particular—This park was where a great change took place—through the sixties, the 70’s, even the 80’s people here were, and probably still are, all about individual freedom, equality—truly liberty and justice for all. That’s about as American as you can get.
Age 84. Still here.

I’m no stranger to this park. I’ve been coming here on and off, occasionally, for the past 50 some odd years. The village was the place to go when I was in college and I even lived nearby in the 1950s. The park has more people in it on a summer Sunday afternoon than it used to. But it’s still a place where anything goes, everyone’s okay just the way they are and as an ex-boyfriend once put it—one of the few true things he ever uttered—nobody bothers your ass.

I’m 84 now and nobody treats me like the cutie pie I once was. Small wonder, because my face is cheek to cheek wrinkles. And when I think about what I’ve accomplished—or failed to accomplish—in my lifetime, well, it can be pretty depressing. But I’m hoping that my being here will be enough of an uplift to carry me through at least the rest of the next week of my life. I feel a bit more optimistic about things—not so self-dissatisfied. I think it’s the Village that gives you that feeling and this place particular—This park was where a great change took place—through the sixties, the 70’s, even the 80’s people here were, and probably still are, all about individual freedom, equality—truly liberty and justice for all. That’s about as American as you can get.

Age 84. Still here.


I am a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I came to New York to share what I know and have experiences about the Atonement of Jesus Christ with everyone who will listen! I’ve had some tough experiences in my life that have made me question whether God loved me, or was even aware of who I am. I searched Him out and asked him directly—the most effective approach I could think of. As I’ve done that, I’ve come to know that my Heavenly Father knows me personally, and loves me! He’s helped me so much throughout my life—all it took for me to be able to realize it was to get all the distractions out of my life, chill out, stop worrying, and enjoy life the way God intended us to.
Long story short, I’m loving life. Life’s never been easy, but it’s a whole lot more enjoyable when I know God’s got my back!
Go and find out for yourself. I promise there’s no better feeling!

I am a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I came to New York to share what I know and have experiences about the Atonement of Jesus Christ with everyone who will listen! I’ve had some tough experiences in my life that have made me question whether God loved me, or was even aware of who I am. I searched Him out and asked him directly—the most effective approach I could think of. As I’ve done that, I’ve come to know that my Heavenly Father knows me personally, and loves me! He’s helped me so much throughout my life—all it took for me to be able to realize it was to get all the distractions out of my life, chill out, stop worrying, and enjoy life the way God intended us to.

Long story short, I’m loving life. Life’s never been easy, but it’s a whole lot more enjoyable when I know God’s got my back!

Go and find out for yourself. I promise there’s no better feeling!


I like to think that my story is a love story, and not a boy meets-girl love story, although that may be part of it. There are so many things that make each of us who we are, but the most important thing to me, of all the many thing that I’ve experiences or owned or encountered, is love. I’ve been in love a lot. Never in the “I want to marry you” way, but always extremely significantly. I’ve always been really good at loving Earth and animals, but not always good at loving life (human life) or people. That all changed a few years ago. I think I was in my junior year of high school, or maybe the senior year, possibly leading into the summer after graduation. I had been depressed, borderline suicidal (Now, I can’t ever imagine I ever felt that way. It seems impossible. Now, I am so happy). I was having problems with many people: my friends, my father, people I thought were my friends but I’ve since learned were abusive. Mostly, I was having problems with myself. I didn’t love myself. I loved others, or so I thought, but you can’t fully, truly love anyone else until you love yourself. I know that know. One day, and I don’t remember when or how this happened, but, one day, I stopped seeking approval. I stopped being codependent, and I stopped trying to change for others. I used to try to change myself to make my relationships with others (the aforementioned friends, father, & non-friends) better, and them try to change for me. I suddenly realized that wasn’t the answer. If you’re changing for others, it isn’t real. It isn’t honest. It won’t last. It’s only true if you’re changing for yourself. I realized that I did need to change, but that I needed to change for me. Now, I’m my favorite person. Now, I love myself first. Now, I’m always happy. Even when I’m sad, I now always, always, always feel a faint, constant, underlying happiness. Now, I love. I love my friends and my father (we have a better relationship than ever before). I even love my non-friends, although I realize they were never good for me, not truly. Now, I love so much. I’m in love every day. I’m in love with life, friends, strangers, people I’ve never met. I’m in love with myself. Self love is one of those things that people either think is next to impossible or the easiest thing in the world. The truth is, it’s both. It’s so each once it happens, but it’s so hard to get there, because, although there are things you can say and do to try to get there, you can’t really fake it ‘til you make it. It just happens when you truly believe it can. I wish there were a secret I could share to make it happen immediately for you, but then I’d be lying. The only way is to believe, and there’s no trick to believing.
Part of what stopped me from believing is that I used to have these dreams, all the time, for as long as I could remember. I used to have these dreams with this person that aged as I aged. In these dreams, I always knew them. We were best friends. We were in love. I can’t picture what they look like when I try, and I never could, but sometimes I see their face. For awhile, I started doubting it, when our lives never crossed in person. I felt I needed to meet them for real, in person, not a dream, to be complete. It was an especially difficult time during the couple of years before I learned to love myself. I stopped dreaming of Them. I stopped believing in Them. I stopped believing in anything. But then everything changed. I learned to love myself, independently from anyone else. I stopped needing anyones approval in order to feel happy, and I stopped needing to meet Them, and that is when They felt the realest. That is when I started to believe the most. We still haven’t met (in person, in this timeline), but now I’m completely confident that we will. There are these days, that happen on occasion, when I feel so in love, and so whole. I feel powerful, not as though I have power of others, but as though I have power over myself, and as though I have the power to love everything that has, does, or will exist. These days, these strong, warm, powerful, love filled days, are when I feel most like I’m going to meet Them, and also when i feel the most like I can love myself and be happy all on my own. I don’t need to meet Them, but I know that I will, and I know that we will love each other, and ourselves. My story is a love story. I love Them, life, you, everyone. I love me.

I like to think that my story is a love story, and not a boy meets-girl love story, although that may be part of it. There are so many things that make each of us who we are, but the most important thing to me, of all the many thing that I’ve experiences or owned or encountered, is love. I’ve been in love a lot. Never in the “I want to marry you” way, but always extremely significantly. I’ve always been really good at loving Earth and animals, but not always good at loving life (human life) or people. That all changed a few years ago. I think I was in my junior year of high school, or maybe the senior year, possibly leading into the summer after graduation. I had been depressed, borderline suicidal (Now, I can’t ever imagine I ever felt that way. It seems impossible. Now, I am so happy). I was having problems with many people: my friends, my father, people I thought were my friends but I’ve since learned were abusive. Mostly, I was having problems with myself. I didn’t love myself. I loved others, or so I thought, but you can’t fully, truly love anyone else until you love yourself. I know that know. One day, and I don’t remember when or how this happened, but, one day, I stopped seeking approval. I stopped being codependent, and I stopped trying to change for others. I used to try to change myself to make my relationships with others (the aforementioned friends, father, & non-friends) better, and them try to change for me. I suddenly realized that wasn’t the answer. If you’re changing for others, it isn’t real. It isn’t honest. It won’t last. It’s only true if you’re changing for yourself. I realized that I did need to change, but that I needed to change for me. Now, I’m my favorite person. Now, I love myself first. Now, I’m always happy. Even when I’m sad, I now always, always, always feel a faint, constant, underlying happiness. Now, I love. I love my friends and my father (we have a better relationship than ever before). I even love my non-friends, although I realize they were never good for me, not truly. Now, I love so much. I’m in love every day. I’m in love with life, friends, strangers, people I’ve never met. I’m in love with myself. Self love is one of those things that people either think is next to impossible or the easiest thing in the world. The truth is, it’s both. It’s so each once it happens, but it’s so hard to get there, because, although there are things you can say and do to try to get there, you can’t really fake it ‘til you make it. It just happens when you truly believe it can. I wish there were a secret I could share to make it happen immediately for you, but then I’d be lying. The only way is to believe, and there’s no trick to believing.

Part of what stopped me from believing is that I used to have these dreams, all the time, for as long as I could remember. I used to have these dreams with this person that aged as I aged. In these dreams, I always knew them. We were best friends. We were in love. I can’t picture what they look like when I try, and I never could, but sometimes I see their face. For awhile, I started doubting it, when our lives never crossed in person. I felt I needed to meet them for real, in person, not a dream, to be complete. It was an especially difficult time during the couple of years before I learned to love myself. I stopped dreaming of Them. I stopped believing in Them. I stopped believing in anything. But then everything changed. I learned to love myself, independently from anyone else. I stopped needing anyones approval in order to feel happy, and I stopped needing to meet Them, and that is when They felt the realest. That is when I started to believe the most. We still haven’t met (in person, in this timeline), but now I’m completely confident that we will. There are these days, that happen on occasion, when I feel so in love, and so whole. I feel powerful, not as though I have power of others, but as though I have power over myself, and as though I have the power to love everything that has, does, or will exist. These days, these strong, warm, powerful, love filled days, are when I feel most like I’m going to meet Them, and also when i feel the most like I can love myself and be happy all on my own. I don’t need to meet Them, but I know that I will, and I know that we will love each other, and ourselves. My story is a love story. I love Them, life, you, everyone. I love me.


It’s been years or even ages since I took a pen and started to write something down apart from my job, and not because I don’t have things to tell, that I have, but because I never decided to take the moment to settle some things down. And here I am now, just because I’m visiting New York for the first time, wandering and join where my feet take me, and they took me here.
I’ve felt so lonely since I survived the bombs in Madrid in 2004, and not because I am alone, ‘cause I got my family and friends, always there to support me, but it’s difficult to explain how weird it is to realize that you are alive and you did nothing to deserve that, and every day you wake up and ask yourself, why? why? and why?
And then you start asking yourself why were you in the damn train, why did you run, because it was late and you needed to be early that day.
And then, does it make it any sense to be all day running when life can be so short?
And now everything is changing, slowly, taking its time, getting into place, like a puzzle.
And that’s how my feet brought me here, and then a new step, and tomorrow another.
And that’s my story. For now.

It’s been years or even ages since I took a pen and started to write something down apart from my job, and not because I don’t have things to tell, that I have, but because I never decided to take the moment to settle some things down. And here I am now, just because I’m visiting New York for the first time, wandering and join where my feet take me, and they took me here.

I’ve felt so lonely since I survived the bombs in Madrid in 2004, and not because I am alone, ‘cause I got my family and friends, always there to support me, but it’s difficult to explain how weird it is to realize that you are alive and you did nothing to deserve that, and every day you wake up and ask yourself, why? why? and why?

And then you start asking yourself why were you in the damn train, why did you run, because it was late and you needed to be early that day.

And then, does it make it any sense to be all day running when life can be so short?

And now everything is changing, slowly, taking its time, getting into place, like a puzzle.

And that’s how my feet brought me here, and then a new step, and tomorrow another.

And that’s my story. For now.


I initially joined my sorority in the hopes of finding out secrets about the organization and publishing them to prove to society that conformity is unnecessary, but then I found the deepest love within them. I found sisterly love, (which I lacked), I found strength and power to reinvent myself, I found role models and positive influences. I learned how to do a little bit of everything that has helped me such as life skills. But most importantly—I found MYSELF!
(sometimes I feel guilty for joining for all the wrong reasons)
But I’m so glad I did!

I initially joined my sorority in the hopes of finding out secrets about the organization and publishing them to prove to society that conformity is unnecessary, but then I found the deepest love within them. I found sisterly love, (which I lacked), I found strength and power to reinvent myself, I found role models and positive influences. I learned how to do a little bit of everything that has helped me such as life skills. But most importantly—I found MYSELF!

(sometimes I feel guilty for joining for all the wrong reasons)

But I’m so glad I did!

I sometimes get teased for sleeping so much. People ask me why I don’t just go out and socialize. Meet new people, make friends, date, etc. Sometimes they say they pity me.
I can’t understand why. I sleep even when I’m not tired because my antidepressants cause me to have vivid, incredible, sometimes lucid dreams. Think of that: while you are awake, your mental illness torments you, but when you dream… you can be anything! I’m always a super hero. I fly above starlit towns and skyscrapers, I manipulate fire and lightning with a wave of my hand. And most importantly, I save other people. I stand for those who suffer, bleed, cry, hope for a better reality. I fight for them, live for them, die for them. In my dreams, demons are external beings you can see… and more importantly, you can kill.
I’m certainly not saying everyone should take psychiatric meds. It helped me, but I don’t know what it would do for you. I’m also not saying I abuse my meds. Hell, I’m not even saying I like the fact that I need them. I’ve started new meds and I’ve finally started feeling good this past week. I guess what I am saying is that I must find something good amidst my suffering from mental illness. My black rain cloud of depression must have a silver lining to it. And I think that after years of tireless searching, I’ve found it.
Go find yours.

I sometimes get teased for sleeping so much. People ask me why I don’t just go out and socialize. Meet new people, make friends, date, etc. Sometimes they say they pity me.

I can’t understand why. I sleep even when I’m not tired because my antidepressants cause me to have vivid, incredible, sometimes lucid dreams. Think of that: while you are awake, your mental illness torments you, but when you dream… you can be anything! I’m always a super hero. I fly above starlit towns and skyscrapers, I manipulate fire and lightning with a wave of my hand. And most importantly, I save other people. I stand for those who suffer, bleed, cry, hope for a better reality. I fight for them, live for them, die for them. In my dreams, demons are external beings you can see… and more importantly, you can kill.

I’m certainly not saying everyone should take psychiatric meds. It helped me, but I don’t know what it would do for you. I’m also not saying I abuse my meds. Hell, I’m not even saying I like the fact that I need them. I’ve started new meds and I’ve finally started feeling good this past week. I guess what I am saying is that I must find something good amidst my suffering from mental illness. My black rain cloud of depression must have a silver lining to it. And I think that after years of tireless searching, I’ve found it.

Go find yours.


It feels funny to be writing a letter when so much of where I am right now stems from a letter. Three months ago, I was living with my boyfriend of 2 years. That morning, I asked him, “what is the most beautiful thing you could ever imagine? Past, future, anything.”
Personally, I was thinking of a huge beach BBQ in Barcelona with all of our friends and family. His response was seeing me in the hospital after giving birth to our first child.
That evening, I left for dinner plans. My mom’s best friend, who was like an aunt to me, had just been given 8 weeks to live (hospice) and I was going to say goodbye. I held my tears in the whole way home and kept thinking how much I needed to just cry and have C hold me. I opened the door and saw a letter—a letter ending our relationship. “I’m too damn young,” it said. I didn’t even cry. I went into autopilot. Slept on Ellen’s couch, flew to Salt Lake the next morning and burst into tears when my mom hugged me at baggage claim. It was the numbest I’ve ever felt. I sometimes get so mad at him, but lately I have that Kurt Vonnegut quote going through my head like 30x/day… “god damn it babies, you’ve got to be kind.”
I live in a new apartment, got a 4.0 my first semester of grad school, and I’m getting paid right now as I write this at the coolest internship ever. It blows my mind how lucky I am to have such supportive family and friends. I know he did me the biggest favor of my life.

It feels funny to be writing a letter when so much of where I am right now stems from a letter. Three months ago, I was living with my boyfriend of 2 years. That morning, I asked him, “what is the most beautiful thing you could ever imagine? Past, future, anything.”

Personally, I was thinking of a huge beach BBQ in Barcelona with all of our friends and family. His response was seeing me in the hospital after giving birth to our first child.

That evening, I left for dinner plans. My mom’s best friend, who was like an aunt to me, had just been given 8 weeks to live (hospice) and I was going to say goodbye. I held my tears in the whole way home and kept thinking how much I needed to just cry and have C hold me. I opened the door and saw a letter—a letter ending our relationship. “I’m too damn young,” it said. I didn’t even cry. I went into autopilot. Slept on Ellen’s couch, flew to Salt Lake the next morning and burst into tears when my mom hugged me at baggage claim. It was the numbest I’ve ever felt. I sometimes get so mad at him, but lately I have that Kurt Vonnegut quote going through my head like 30x/day… “god damn it babies, you’ve got to be kind.”

I live in a new apartment, got a 4.0 my first semester of grad school, and I’m getting paid right now as I write this at the coolest internship ever. It blows my mind how lucky I am to have such supportive family and friends. I know he did me the biggest favor of my life.


This is one of the coolest exhibitions/galleries I think that I have ever come across, so in return for the joy and excitement, creativity, and all other good things it gives me, I give to you my story. I live my life every day not knowing who I am supposed to one day become. I grew up alone, independent, secluded, unbiased. I’ve lived countless personas, lied about more than I will ever be able to remember and done unspeakable things I never want to tell another human soul. But all of this has propelled me on this magical journey. Becoming this mystical beast, a whirlwind of tragedy and success. I’m 25. I’ve experienced more than I should have. But what does this explain—It’s a story that goes in circles with sharp corners. Protected against all but hurt by many. The point is always be you. Forget everything you know. Make mistakes. Get hurt. Fail. Cry. Sob. Yell. Because one day, it will pay off.
The greatest mistake in life is never making art. Have the energy and strength to follow what creates meaning in your life and the courage to handle the stress that follows. 
Enjoy being a fuckup! You’re awesome.

This is one of the coolest exhibitions/galleries I think that I have ever come across, so in return for the joy and excitement, creativity, and all other good things it gives me, I give to you my story. I live my life every day not knowing who I am supposed to one day become. I grew up alone, independent, secluded, unbiased. I’ve lived countless personas, lied about more than I will ever be able to remember and done unspeakable things I never want to tell another human soul. But all of this has propelled me on this magical journey. Becoming this mystical beast, a whirlwind of tragedy and success. I’m 25. I’ve experienced more than I should have. But what does this explain—It’s a story that goes in circles with sharp corners. Protected against all but hurt by many. The point is always be you. Forget everything you know. Make mistakes. Get hurt. Fail. Cry. Sob. Yell. Because one day, it will pay off.

The greatest mistake in life is never making art. Have the energy and strength to follow what creates meaning in your life and the courage to handle the stress that follows. 

Enjoy being a fuckup! You’re awesome.

I am a member of a father’s group. There aren’t many of those still, but the one I am in was the only one around when it was founded. The group has been through some things, and the fathers have been through a lot. One father, in particular, has had a big struggle to be in his children’s lives. The biggest issue that he has is with his self-worth and anxiety that stems from that. His children have been removed from him by health and human services because he gave their mother a place to live…then later they were placed in her home. Health and Human Services say that his mental health is the biggest barrier to being in their lives. He was unable to get a job, unable to see his children, had no transportation, and the worst—no hope. Then he came to father’s group. At first, he didn’t say much. Over time, the open environment has allowed him to open up, talk through his anxiety, have some time with his kids and hold down a full time job. Oh, and the most important thing—he has self worth now. It it worth it to let someone open up, now he gives me hope. 
I am a member of a father’s group. There aren’t many of those still, but the one I am in was the only one around when it was founded. The group has been through some things, and the fathers have been through a lot. One father, in particular, has had a big struggle to be in his children’s lives. The biggest issue that he has is with his self-worth and anxiety that stems from that. His children have been removed from him by health and human services because he gave their mother a place to live…then later they were placed in her home. Health and Human Services say that his mental health is the biggest barrier to being in their lives. He was unable to get a job, unable to see his children, had no transportation, and the worst—no hope. Then he came to father’s group. At first, he didn’t say much. Over time, the open environment has allowed him to open up, talk through his anxiety, have some time with his kids and hold down a full time job. Oh, and the most important thing—he has self worth now. It it worth it to let someone open up, now he gives me hope. 

What would you confess in an anonymous journal entry? Would you finally reveal your crush? The love of your life, who (sadly) is not the same person as your boyfriend (or lover, really). Would you own up to your loneliness? To the fact that just about every friend has used you for one reason or another, so now you don’t even bother with “friends?”

Or would you put up a front of happiness, desperate to fool yourself—and everyone else? Smiles and joy, focusing on happiness, and using it as a device to find your meaning and purpose. I’ve always had a thing against grammatical fragments, but now I’m just flooding this page with them.
I guess I don’t know what I want to write or say. I just want to say something. Anything. And the most honest things I can think of are questions. Questions, and the fact that there in an adorable dog in front of me.
Here is what matters most in this whole thing:
I’m surprised I’m still here.
I’m lucky to still be here.
And so are you.

What would you confess in an anonymous journal entry? Would you finally reveal your crush? The love of your life, who (sadly) is not the same person as your boyfriend (or lover, really). Would you own up to your loneliness? To the fact that just about every friend has used you for one reason or another, so now you don’t even bother with “friends?”

Or would you put up a front of happiness, desperate to fool yourself—and everyone else? Smiles and joy, focusing on happiness, and using it as a device to find your meaning and purpose. I’ve always had a thing against grammatical fragments, but now I’m just flooding this page with them.

I guess I don’t know what I want to write or say. I just want to say something. Anything. And the most honest things I can think of are questions. Questions, and the fact that there in an adorable dog in front of me.

Here is what matters most in this whole thing:

I’m surprised I’m still here.

I’m lucky to still be here.

And so are you.