Entries tagged with "uncertainty"
I’m losing touch losing touch losing touch… with him, with Him, and with them.
He’s just too far away right now. I can’t relate or love in the way I used to. I’m strongly attracted to other men and I know that I’m going to hurt him and it will be… My. Fault.
And He’s so bluntly misrepresented by the society I live in that I can barely speak of Him anymore. I believe and trust and follow… but if I can’t speak then… I. Fail.
And I am so sure of, but so afraid that, they don’t love me as much as they say they do. It would get better if I asked. Simple but… I. Can’t.
And what the hell do I do now? Those are my three rocks… but they’re being cracked… or worn down too much… or so jagged that I can’t rest on them anymore.
I. Am. Lost.
I have had a best friend since we were both 10. I idolized her. I thought she was the kind of person everyone wanted to be. We are now studying abroad together in a foreign city and live together. It is not what I expected at all. She is extremely short-tempered, hates philosophizing, and puts me down. I don’t know whether or not to be sad or happy. Sad because she isn’t exactly who I thought she was… or happy because I am so happy with how I turned out myself. I don’t need to idolize anyone.
Hello, I’m 18 years old. I think I’m gay… funny that I’m already 18 and I’m still not sure about it. I woke up one day feeling different, strange. I live in a very very closed society, and so, I’m not really sure if I should come out but I feel repressed. Other than that I’m a perfectly normal 18 year old, I love art and I think its really easy to talk to strangers because they don’t judge and if they do, you’ll never find out. I wish everyone who reads this the strength to be happy no matter what and the courage to look for it.
So much to say, where to begin?
I’ve always been a restless person. You know, the kind that knows there’s something more to do, see, or experience out there—so when I tell you that I’ve been raised entirely in the Southern United States, you might be able to understand why I feel trapped.
So I got away. I ran to Japan for a month, loving every second of my awkward exposure there. It felt more like home than my birthplace ever did, as if just that month was more comfortable than the whole life I’ve lived elsewhere. But where my comfort begins, others stop.
I’m engaged.
We’ve had such a long courtship. Almost six years worth of being in each others lives, families, hearts. I feel drawn to this place, this land of the rising opportunity and change while my partner clings to our apartment, our family, our city. We live half an hour away from family and my partner feels that even this is too far. Loving this quiet person is almost a curse. This almost phobic shyness of people holds me back. It makes me feel like I have to settle when I could be winning at life.
I’m sick of running with this sandbag of a person tied to my legs, but I can’t leave because it’s so painful to be alone. Without… him.
Do I do what feels right for me, or do I stay because I love him?
All I want to do is leave and find you. I think about it every day. But, when you left, you were so mad that I couldn’t save you. I love you, and I know you loved me. What happened? How did we end up this way? Why do I feel like this? And where did you go?
You owe me $342.00…
I am 28 years old and single. Most of the time I feel I will never meet anyone. I have gone on dates with nice and good looking men. But, I always find something wrong with them: he walks strange, his job is not good enough, he chews with his mouth open, he wears too much cologne, he has a high pitched voice, he is too nice, he is not chill enough, lives with his parents, he is not as educated as me, he is shorter than me, he is not funny. So is it my fault? Probably. Am I scared? Maybe. Am I the only one? Who knows.
I am a neurotic, emotional, and anxious neat freak who judges people as I judge my own self.
I’m 20 years old. To most that’s young, yet I still fear death.
I do not fear the pain, the loss of my life and everything in it, or the effect it may have on others.
What truly terrifies me is what lies beyond death. I am an atheist and am fine with that, but that leaves little imagination of life after death.
Nothingness is what scares me.
Everything is pointing me towards the fact that God simply does not exist. But I’m scared to accept that.
I hate everything I do; it was all to get into college. Now that I’m accepted into the college of my choice, I do not know what to do or where to start.
I realized yesterday that I couldn’t remember my mother’s eyebrows. I tried to draw a portrait of her, what she would look like now. But the eyes were all wrong. That much I could tell.
Six years can be forever.
I look more like her every day. I need her every day. I’m graduating, uncertain, afraid. I want so desperately to make her proud–but really, what’s the point? I can’t.
My dear mother, when you were my age, you were engaged, so sure of the path ahead. But I am still a child, your child, and would give anything to hear your voice, your advice, eat your food, hear your jokes.
I still want to make you proud.
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