Entry #0336
I’m a drug addict. I use for fun. The fun causes me trouble. The trouble causes me stress. I use to alleviate stress. The using causes me trouble, and so on. I can’t stop.
I want help, but don’t want help.
I need help.
I’m a drug addict. I use for fun. The fun causes me trouble. The trouble causes me stress. I use to alleviate stress. The using causes me trouble, and so on. I can’t stop.
I want help, but don’t want help.
I need help.
I am a 20 year old, heathy girl. I’m in college, and a sorority, with a job I work hard at. I get decent grades, have friends who would be there for me not matter what, and a family who truly loves me.
But I have suicidal thoughts.
I’m plagued my sudden urges to drive my car over the guard rail, and off the overpass. These urges are accompanied by the thought that none of my stress would matter if I wasn’t alive. That scholarship I haven’t applied for wouldn’t be relevant. My terrible spending habit would be obsolete.
I am a girl who has the world ahead of her, and wants nothing to do with it.
I never really want to grow up and I cling to irresponsibility and childish things. The real world is stressful, wouldn’t you rather watch some cartoons and just relax? I like a lot of things I probably shouldn’t and my girlfriend reminds me everyday. There is nothing wrong with ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles,’ professional wrestling, or ‘Star Wars.’ Period.
I have been bulimic for five years back home I would often leave the bathroom door open. Still–No one ever noticed. I am not entirely certain I want to stop. I worry for my health, but this way it kind of feels like I can have it all. But one thing you should know is it really isn’t a “weight thing.” When you eat such enormous amounts of food, you concentrate on that. You forget your stresses… for a little while. Then when you purge–your heart races. In the end, you feel relieved–not just like a weight is lifted off you, but it literally is. I don’t get that feeling many other places.
My life is great. I have a wonderful family that loves me and the best friends a person could ask for. I get good grades and don’t have to pay tuition for college. Awesome, right? But I constantly feel like something is missing, like something is tragically wrong with my life, and I have no idea what it is or what I should do about it. Maybe its stress. I come home some days and just sit in my room and cry, feeling terrible. I have no idea what is going on with my life or what I’m going to do in these next few years. I constantly think about quitting everything and running away. Or hitting someone. That could work too.
I had my son 5 years ago when I was 15 and now I’m 20 and married to a different man and my son does not listen to me at all and I’m at my wits end I want to pack my bags and leave and that makes me a horrible mother and wife and all around person. I don’t know how I’m ever gonna feel different.