Entry #0280
My sister tells me I breathe too loudly, and I feel ashamed for breathing.
My sister tells me I breathe too loudly, and I feel ashamed for breathing.
I consider myself an only child with a sibling. I am the younger sister of a man with severe autism. He is 1½ years older than me & we have never had a conversation. I am afraid of him. My parents cannot accept the fact that I refuse to have a relationship with him. I will not take care of him when they no longer can. He still lives in the house where I grew up. Someday I hope to tell my parents how terrible it was to grow up in his violent shadow, but so far I have not had the courage. Wish me luck!
About a year ago (when I was 16), while my parents were away for the weekend, my older sister and I got into a physical fight where she proceeded to stab me. As soon as I could, I ran out of my house to try and get help and luckily a stranger driving down the road stopped to help me. My sister came out of the house and told the stranger I was mentally ill and had stabbed myself. The police showed up, I went to the hospital, I now have a long scar on my left arm, and my sister not only got away with what she did, my parents believed her side of the story and now I am known as the nutcase to my entire family.
It gets worse, I’m afraid that if I don’t forgive my sister, I will become her. I already see it happening, little by little.
I’ve been talking to my half sister for two years now. And my father- our father has no idea that I am even aware of her existence.
All I can think about is if he wonders about her. If on my wedding day he will be wondering if he missed hers.