I’m 20 years old and I’m in love with my best friend. Only problem is we are both girls, and I grew up in a traditional christian home. I’m having a hard time accepting that I’m not straight but I’m having an even harder time accepting that she loves me too but we can’t be together.
I’m 19. I feel like I’m already dried up. I feel like I have nothing left to offer this world.
I’m ashamed of myself. When I was younger, I was beat, I was molested, I was told I was a nothing. Yet, I stood tall during those times. I’m not ashamed because those things happened. I’m ashamed because at seven years old I had more confidence and hope in myself then I do now, at 19.
I have wonderful friends who are there for me when I need them. I honestly couldn’t ask for anything more. They are my angels. They are my reason for being here. I’m just afraid that I may not be strong enough to stay here for them. I wish I could tell them how dead I feel.
I’ll continue to pray to a God I don’t believe in anymore for the strength and hope to keep living. I wish I were seven again.
Being molested. Being hit. Being told I was worthless…
I still had my whole life in front of me.
I’ve been cutting myself for five years. I am only 18, so it’s all I’ve ever really known. Since I’ve been developing real emotions and gone through more adult situations, it’s the only coping mechanism I’ve ever really known. Well… that, and music. I am addicted. I can say that without a problem now, and I’m glad I can. Because now that I notice I have these chains on me, I can work to become liberated from them. One thing that helps me is God. I have a very personal relationship with Him, but I fear that everyone looks at me as a hypocrite because I am also gay. I go to a Christian college, and none of the people who know about my sexuality have turned away, yet my mother told me to think about going to a different school if I really am gay… because she refuses to let my grandfather pay for the high tuition if I am not getting anything from it. My step father feels the same way. The longest conversation we have had in the past five years was about 20 minutes of him yelling at me and telling me that I can’t love Jesus and be gay. Yes, a lot of hurt comes from my family. I have been cutting for five years, and me and my step father haven’t talked in five years. That is not a coincidence. I have let their words become a truth in my mind, and it has been holding me back from my dreams ever since. Lately I haven’t known what to do with my life, and with other certain things going on, I’ve just been digging this hole for myself, and it’s been hell.
But I am starting to see the light. I am starting to get answers. I am beginning to feel love again. I am ready to get better.
I’m 20 years old. To most that’s young, yet I still fear death.
I do not fear the pain, the loss of my life and everything in it, or the effect it may have on others.
What truly terrifies me is what lies beyond death. I am an atheist and am fine with that, but that leaves little imagination of life after death.
Nothingness is what scares me.
Everything is pointing me towards the fact that God simply does not exist. But I’m scared to accept that.
Lately I’ve been exposed to more and more overtly religious people. Not that I’m against religion or anything, I just do not understand the obsession with it. Today, I saw at least sixty students proudly sporting an ash cross on their foreheads. My first reaction was to joke about it. Like, “hey, man, you got some dirt on your face,” or “can I get a smiley face on my cheek?” And for whatever reason, such comments are extremely insulting. Like worse than any “yo’ momma” statement. Like more taboo than simply yelling “FUCK!!!!”. These people scare me, but whether they make their beliefs known through a t-shirt or Facebook status, I HAVE to say something witty and “blasphemous” about it. It’s a compulsion. Maybe one day I’ll understand the views of the crazies, but, for now, observing and poking fun is enough.
I have really strong Christian beliefs, but I’ve finally ‘fessed up to liking both men and women. And I can’t do anything about it. I can’t go I’ve decided not to go after what my flesh wants. Ugh, it’s complicated. ‘Tis life.
I am 15 and I’m pregnant by a 20 year old. It’s not the best way to live a normal teen-aged life but I deal with it as it comes at me. I feel so lost I miss my ex, he has my heart and always will. You really don’t understand how scared I am about all this and I have never really told anyone about my feelings toward all this until now. Im 15 I’m “emo” but more recently I have found god. I cried in church when they prayed for me.
For the first time in my life I felt like there are good people in this world. I don’t know what to do anymore but I’ll take it as it comes
My dog died a week ago. Along with the pain and sadness of losing a member of my family who didn’t judge me, laugh at me, or verbally abuse me, it made me realize that I could never become a genuine Christian. I could never believe in a God that keeps your family, friends, and loved ones hostage so that if you’re not good and live up to His expectations you never see them ever again.
My best friend is a born-again Christian. He and I often get into very involved discussions (I’m a science person). To tell the truth though, I envy him. He used to be the most volatile person before he “got religion”, and he appears very happy. Am I a bad person because I miss that volatile side?
They never tell you that you can easily be left with a life of mediocrity.
You can be a person who never finds love. You can end up just getting through the day, then just getting through the night and then starting it all over again and again and again.
You start out taking it for granted that you will find love, have a family, find interesting work and your faith will always be with you.
Everyone else does it, no problem… of course you will too.
Years later, alone, no kids, working in a cubicle. You realize that you’re an atheist and shocked you ever believed all that god stuff. You also realize you’re a romantic that will never know love.
How did that happen again? How did that happen? It wasn’t supposed to happen to me…not to me.
You are now past the point of having ‘potential’. You have used up all your days of potential. You are going to live out your days with what you and the universe have created.
Get through the day, get through the night, get through the week, get through the weekend… an endless wasteland of unchanging time, time, time.