Entries tagged with "relationships"
I’m 23 years old and have accomplished nothing. I haven’t had a job in five years. I don’t have family, at least not family I can rely on. I have no home I just drift from one relationship to another. I just got out of a three year relationship with someone I considered my best friend but I can hardly look at him. I left him for his best friend.
Everything is strange. I thought, when I was younger I knew what love was. I am an “adult” now and I’m not sure.
I just don’t want to be alone.
I don’t want to have OCD or panic disorder.
I wish I didn’t have to rely on these stupid meds that I can’t afford anymore.
I wish I could relate to people and not cats.
I wish I knew for certain if he loved me… why does every decision I make feel like the wrong one? Would I even know if I was doing something right?
I hate other girls.
I hate trying to keep up with the world.
I hate the way people treat me.
I hate people.
I hate.
One day I’ll wake up from a long over-due sleep, where the air just feels right, and the light breaks into brightly colored fractals that dance on my eyelashes, and every breath I take has meaning, and for once, I’ll be ok with myself.
I need a sturdy beam.
I believe in soul-mates, sure. But not just one—I believe someone can have many soul-mates. They come in all different forms. As a mother, brother, mentor, lover, friend. A soulmate is someone who has touched your life in a way you cannot explain. They give you something you never knew you had. Through the most painful parts of my life it is that truth that keeps me going. When my first love left me I felt like there was nothing left in my life. Behind all the pain I realized I was changed. It is through pain that people learn the most about themselves. It sucks to think of all the pain in the world. However, when you get past it all you might just realize that those who have hurt you the most were just soul-mates passing through your life, changing you for the better. And it is emerging through the pain that helps you find what you really love in life. It took me the longest time to trust the men closest to me. I am still learning to not hate. Hate my father for being violent. Hate myself for not sticking up for my sister and me. Hate my mom for never speaking up. Hate the boy who broke me in two. Hate myself for going back to him time and time again.
But once I realized my hate was just a form of pain, I could let myself begin to heal. Through dealing with pain and hurt upfront, one slowly begins to trust again, to love again, and to accept that people who bring pain, joy, annoyance, laughter, or tears are just the soul-mates passing through your life, making you a better person. Only if you let them. If you live not in vain, but in love, you will find the latter.
I began losing my hair at 19. At first I thought it was just a phase. I thought it would grow back. I went to see my doctor who told me it would never grow back. I became suicidal. When I first realized it was happening, I became obsessed with hair. Suddenly, everywhere I went people were talking about hair… how they were going to bleach it, streak it, perm it, dye it. When I thought of the future I didn’t think by then I’d be doing this or by then I’d be doing that, I just thought by then… I’d be bald.
I’m now 29 and bald, and a shadow of my former confident self. A lot of people suit it but I don’t think I do. I come across as confident and bubbly with people at work, but away from work I never socialize… I don’t like to go out.
I’m in a “relationship” with a great guy I met online. I love him, but I’m using somebody else’s picture. I know it will all end in tears, but I have so little going on in my life—I’m finding it more difficult to come clean.
Who I was:
For a long time I refused to love. I purposefully disconnected myself from others, completely unwilling to give them any piece of myself. Not loving gave me strength. I was not vulnerable; I protected myself. Relationships were weaknesses and so were emotions. I was untouchable. I felt complete in the strength I had created. I wasn’t.
Who I am:
I realized the importance of connections with others. I began to see beauty in relationships and expressing emotions. I have experienced freedom in the vulnerability that is created when you care about someone. Today I am scared. I am scared that I do not know how to love. My boyfriend wants to marry me. He tells me he loves me; sometimes I know that I love him. I am afraid that neither of us will be able to make the sacrifices needed to make our relationship last forever. I want this to last forever, but I am afraid because I don’t know how. I have never given anyone any piece of me.
She has a boyfriend, she’s fucking me. I’ve never felt so used in my life.
I know that I will never be with her, I’ll only be an object when all I want is love. Why does she keep coming back?
I’m terrified of the world I must attempt to live in.
I have SO much love for everything. I understand myself, my path in life, but I just CAN NOT understand everyone else.
I realize everyone has their own opinions, but when I see starving children, I get tears in my eyes, and I don’t understand how every single person in this world doesn’t feel the exact same way as I do.
It’s amazing how things can CHANGE a person. Although there will always be pain, arguments, and disaster, we could still make this world so much better than it is now.
How do I go into the world as a young adult, to this horrific planet of hurt and insanity, and try to change it?
…I know that I’m going to change someone’s life, and try to even change the world… but because of that one fact: Everyone has their own opinions; we will never fully live the amazing life’s we could.
If everyone thought of the possibilities and happiness we could accomplish by changing EVERYTHING in the world, it would be 100x’s better than it is now.
Unfortunately, most of you suck.
I don’t know if I will ever be able to truly love someone.
I don’t know if anyone will ever be able to truly love me.
I don’t want to wait because that might be in a long, long time. I don’t want to risk getting hurt. I don’t know if I could let him in and tell him my secrets. I don’t want to be rejected or left for someone better. I just don’t want anything to go wrong, but that is impossible.
I guess I am supposed to be alone.
I am going to be a better father to a child that isn’t mine than my biological father was to me.
Absent.
Irreplaceable.
I needed him.
My child will know love. And me.
I’m 19 years old, tall, blonde, blue eyes and way too outgoing for my own good! I spend a ton of time in A2 and work at a daycare full time. I have parents that are way too strict and friends that are way too crazy, but I need change. I need something new—here’s why!
I have a two o’clock curfew and I have gone by that for the past year. Three days ago I get home twenty minutes late after having called a half hour before telling my parents I was going to be late. I get home and here’s how the conversation went:
Dad: Why are you late?
Me: My friend’s ride got drunk and left him in Ann Arbor.
Dad: How the hell is that your problem.
Me: He is my friend.
Dad: Well, he shouldn’t be anymore. I want you home every day at 9:30PM from now on.
Me: I’m almost 20, hell no.
Dad: Then find a new place to live.
So that’s what I’m going to do. It’s scary upsetting and I have no idea what’s going to happen, but look for me in Florida where the sun is always out and it never snows. Michigan is no good anyway.
I’m finding a lot of trouble when it comes to trusting the people who are closest to me. My family, my best friends, my boyfriend. I have more trust in someone I most likely will never see again, all they have of me is that one encounter. I think trusting someone you don’t know with your feelings and thoughts is a lot more safe than someone who knows you and your life. I don’t like the way I feel about trust and I think it will change over time. I hope so, at least. I think that’s why I’m writing this.
6 pages