I am a 20 year old college student that has the whole world ahead of her.
The only problem is that I can’t stop thinking about what is wrong with my life. All of my Great-Grandmothers died with Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s disease and I am watching my Grandfather go through the same thing. I am so afraid that I will come home one weekend and he won’t remember me. I want more than anything to not be living my life and be able to leave this world, but the only thing that is keeping me here is my family. I know what it would put them through and I could NEVER do that to them.
I just wish that I had something to live for other than my family. I know that if I ever have children or get married then I would put them through my chronic illnesses and that is the last thing I want. I don’t deserve anything that I have or any of the love that I am receiving from my family or any of the friends that I have. I am trying to put on a show for everyone to make them think that I am fine.
When I was nine years old, I was molested by my male cousin (who was sixteen at the time). I recently told my best friend about it, but all she told me was “get over it”. How could I get over something that still haunts me to this day? Being molested isn’t a good thing and cannot be forgotten.
I’m a lesbian. I’m in love with a boy. Who is gay. And my best friend. So really… what does that make me?
I need to stop smoking Spirits. I’m only 19 and addicted to a pack a day.
What can you do when you’ve lost your father to a stroke… but he’s still alive? Is that even a life worth living? Maybe that’s why I party too hard… and get too drunk and make my girlfriend worried sick about me… I’m doing the living he can’t do anymore while he sits in his armchair not speaking and watching Whale Wars.
I would hate to have no voice like him… I don’t even remember what he sounds like… but I see him every day.
I have no father.
I hadn’t seen or spoken to my mother for more than six months when she died. I hadn’t lived with her for more than three years. I was 18, three days into a vacation in the same state that she lived in, just three hours away from her, when I got the call. My friend and I were stuck in the middle of the road going to an apartment — her car shut off and we were waiting for help. I threw up. I spent the next two weeks and all of my vacation money driving all over Florida, signing consent forms and talking to coroners and cops. She died of a drug overdose, made possible by a dirty doctor who was “treating” her for a painful disease she didn’t have. She paid him in cash for every prescription he wrote. Only one family member came down to be there. She was cremated. We had a small memorial service, during which my great aunt allowed 12 of my mother’s closest drug dealers to come into her house, get drunk, steal her prescriptions and my cigarettes, and eat all her food.
Afterward, my family member went back to Illinois, and I left my great aunt’s house and flew back to NYC. I left her remains with my oldest friend, in the back of her closet. It took almost another six months before I bothered to send them to my family members in Illinois. When we got them, we dumped them into an unnamed river. I cried.
I’m 20 now. I can’t stop thinking about that time. She had been on drugs since I was 10 years old. I have called 911 more than thirteen times to have her stomach pumped. I had been in five major car accidents, including smashing into the side of a semi at 40 mph and rolling a car twice end over end and three times side over side down an embankment and hitting a tree due to her drug-impaired state. I had been waiting for her to die for almost ten years. She ruined my vacation.
I’m a 21 year old male college student. I fell in love my freshman year in high school. Every couple wanted what her and I had. She left me a year and half ago and promised we would stay in touch. I lost my best friend and soul-mate. She literally will not even return a simple text message. I have and will compare every person I meet to her. Every day was agony knowing that she was smiling her smile with someone new. However, I gained clarity a week ago. Love isn’t something you should miss when it’s gone. Learn to respect and admire the end of a good relationship. Chances are, the girl I fell in love with in high school isn’t the same person anymore. But I will never forget what she has given me. The greater the challenge, the greater the reward. Throughout my struggle with a broken heart I learned to be a caring and happy person. I learned to forgive those who hurt you the most, even if they don’t deserve it. People change. such is life. Don’t hate them for it. Love them because they are human, and so are you. I find solace in that. And for once in six years, peace of mind.