I’m a lesbian. I’m in love with a boy. Who is gay. And my best friend. So really… what does that make me?
I need to stop smoking Spirits. I’m only 19 and addicted to a pack a day.
What can you do when you’ve lost your father to a stroke… but he’s still alive? Is that even a life worth living? Maybe that’s why I party too hard… and get too drunk and make my girlfriend worried sick about me… I’m doing the living he can’t do anymore while he sits in his armchair not speaking and watching Whale Wars.
I would hate to have no voice like him… I don’t even remember what he sounds like… but I see him every day.
I have no father.
I met the person I married young (20). Knew I always had an attraction for women but never acted on it. Had too many “close minded” beliefs to allow myself to explore these feelings. After nine years of marriage, I realized I could not do this anymore. I have no regrets. I have two beautiful daughters. I am great friends with my ex and am loving life.
Today I had a fight with my boyfriend. We’re long distance for the summer and he is so much better at forming ‘friend-groups’ than I am, so he rarely calls when I think he will. I was lying in bed last night (crying) (being ashamed for crying) and thought of the best compliment I’ve received so far, which is that I can be hawk-like. I thought of hanging out with a friend yesterday, pretending to ignore him trying to touch me all the time. I’m tired of attracting people. When you have a body that checks off all the boxes (Breasts: Big. Ass: Big. Waist: Small) it’s like no conversation is ever about anything else. Even if I’m having a conversation about poetry or Darfur, it’s never just about that: It’s about why they approached me. Anything more than a cold shoulder means flirting. Two days ago I met a lesbian at a party; yesterday she texted me. This is a bullshit “personal story,” but it’s the most true thing I can write.
How fucking sad is that?
So there’s this girl I have been attracted to since freshman year. We messed around and stayed in touch. We decided to live together with my two other friends. We have to hide that we are dating/sleeping together, because it would cause some awkward tensions because we are all females.