My husband is amazing. I am madly in love with him. I have been since I was 13. I am now 27. I used to day dream of us watching movies and playing video games all day together. We are doing that right now, I am clicking on stumbleupon, and reading a guide for Fallout 3. I think he is about to finish the game (I am so EXCITED)!
I am so in love with my husband! He may be my second husband, but he’s my first true love. We are from different countries and it hasn’t been easy for me and my son to live here with him, but every bit of effort has been worth it. Every moment with him feels like a blessing and I’ll jump through as many hoops as necessary to share a life with him forever.
I have a polyamorous marriage that is very successful. My husband is largely interested in men, and I’m bi. I’m very excited because right now I have a little boyfriend, and one that is much younger than me! It is so exciting to simultaneously experience the rush of a new infatuation AND the mature and developed love that I share with my husband.
This lifestyle isn’t for everyone, but it works for me.
Last year, I cheated on my husband with a man I hadn’t seen in 13 years. It did nothing but reaffirm my love for my spouse and remind me that there is nothing like the coming home to a man who loves to love you.
I was absolutely wrong to do this, but I am very thankful for what I have discovered.
I will never look elsewhere for the love I have at home.
I had a pretty rocky adolescence, mostly self inflicted. I found out why I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror while my brother was on trial for something he didn’t do. Nobody ever thought they needed to talk to me about what my uncle did to me when I was two. I could never understand why I would have this nightmare over and over. Then my dad said it in the court room, out loud, for everyone to hear…”molested”. Knowing didn’t change anything, nobody talked to me about it. Years later I told my parents what my brothers did to me. My father dismissed it, childhood exploration. He beat them when I was younger because my Aunt told him what I said to her, but now as an adult it was dismissed. I tried for years to look at myself in the mirror, but I could only look at the pimple, a hair, my eye brow, my hair, never ever the whole.
My image of myself was terrible. Broken, used, ugly, unwanted; then I met my husband. It changed my world, but until the wedding day I never thought he would go through with marrying me. Who could after what other men have done to me? Then I never thought we could have our own children, I was broken, how could an amazing thing like that happen in such a disgusting vessel as MY body? Then I got pregnant. I wanted to do everything I could to make sure the baby was healthy, and I wanted to have it in a birth center so everything would be perfect. I wanted a girl so she could have a childhood without abuse. We found out it was twins days before I had them. I had two boys, of course. I was scared, I have been scared, what if I have a girl next time, and “childhood exploration” happens to her? I am trying to tell myself there are all kinds of big brothers who never need their sister to “explore” anything. These boys can be different, I will stay home, they won’t have idle time when they can get themselves in trouble, I will talk to them about sex and anatomy so there are no unanswered questions.
My husband helps me fight this battle in my mind. He is one of those “other kinds” of big brother. He protected his sister, and never “explored” anything. He tells me I’m a good mom and nothing will happen. It has been hard to look in the mirror still, I feel like I have let my future daughter down by having two boys. But I love my boys, they are my world.
Driving yesterday, my husband turned to me and said “I feel guilty loving my life so much…” I feel guilty not loving my life enough… but this morning I woke up and looked at myself in the mirror… really looked, I think I may have been missing out the past 20 some years by not looking. Hopefully I can look at myself the rest of my life and know, I have it good, and I am doing my best.
I have lost my way…. I have raised my children well, I have been the loyal and supportive wife of a military man for over 20 years. Along the way I have lost parts of me and my desires and dreams. I do not know what to do with myself anymore. I feel as if I am empty inside my head like my brains were replaced with cotton. Is it too late for me?