One day, I was walking back to my dorm in a bad mood. I looked up and saw a man heading in the opposite direction. In his hands was what appeared to be a live lobster. He held it the way you’d hold a cat, sort of under the armpits, and when he saw me looking, he raised one of its claws in a little wave (I waved back).
This is why I love this town—it seems like, whenever I start to get really discouraged, the city of Ann Arbor steps in and says, “Here, have some whimsy on the house.”
My life isn’t easy. Hell nobody’s is. I blame myself for so much. I have never learned to fully let go. because I’m afraid of what will happen to me if I forget. I’ve made my own life a living hell and dragged whoever has tried to help me through.
But… I am currently in love with the most amazing and caring woman I have ever met in my life… and she loves me and every time i talk to her it all melts away. She is the first person that i have felt has truly loved me.
So please, everyone, there is hope! There is someone for everybody. All we have to do is be open to the possibility of happiness and it will flow into our lives. This may seem like over optimistic bull shit but life is a blink of an eye in the grand scheme of things… let someone make a positive mark on yours. To everyone who has had hardships and pain and had nowhere to turn: There is someone that loves you somewhere… and they will never be complete without you.
I’m finding a lot of trouble when it comes to trusting the people who are closest to me. My family, my best friends, my boyfriend. I have more trust in someone I most likely will never see again, all they have of me is that one encounter. I think trusting someone you don’t know with your feelings and thoughts is a lot more safe than someone who knows you and your life. I don’t like the way I feel about trust and I think it will change over time. I hope so, at least. I think that’s why I’m writing this.
I’m 19. I feel like I’m already dried up. I feel like I have nothing left to offer this world.
I’m ashamed of myself. When I was younger, I was beat, I was molested, I was told I was a nothing. Yet, I stood tall during those times. I’m not ashamed because those things happened. I’m ashamed because at seven years old I had more confidence and hope in myself then I do now, at 19.
I have wonderful friends who are there for me when I need them. I honestly couldn’t ask for anything more. They are my angels. They are my reason for being here. I’m just afraid that I may not be strong enough to stay here for them. I wish I could tell them how dead I feel.
I’ll continue to pray to a God I don’t believe in anymore for the strength and hope to keep living. I wish I were seven again.
Being molested. Being hit. Being told I was worthless…
I still had my whole life in front of me.
I’ve been cutting myself for five years. I am only 18, so it’s all I’ve ever really known. Since I’ve been developing real emotions and gone through more adult situations, it’s the only coping mechanism I’ve ever really known. Well… that, and music. I am addicted. I can say that without a problem now, and I’m glad I can. Because now that I notice I have these chains on me, I can work to become liberated from them. One thing that helps me is God. I have a very personal relationship with Him, but I fear that everyone looks at me as a hypocrite because I am also gay. I go to a Christian college, and none of the people who know about my sexuality have turned away, yet my mother told me to think about going to a different school if I really am gay… because she refuses to let my grandfather pay for the high tuition if I am not getting anything from it. My step father feels the same way. The longest conversation we have had in the past five years was about 20 minutes of him yelling at me and telling me that I can’t love Jesus and be gay. Yes, a lot of hurt comes from my family. I have been cutting for five years, and me and my step father haven’t talked in five years. That is not a coincidence. I have let their words become a truth in my mind, and it has been holding me back from my dreams ever since. Lately I haven’t known what to do with my life, and with other certain things going on, I’ve just been digging this hole for myself, and it’s been hell.
But I am starting to see the light. I am starting to get answers. I am beginning to feel love again. I am ready to get better.
I’m 21 years old and I’ve never had a boyfriend. I am funny, charming, smart, and have a pretty face… but I am overweight, and I always have been. I don’t have unsightly fat rolls or anything, but I do have very large hips, legs, arms, and an unnaturally huge ass. I’ve been dieting and working out for as long as I can remember, but to no avail. I fear that sooner or later, I’ll have to just accept that this is how I am… but as of now, I just can’t. I hate everything about my body, and no one understands, because none of my friends or family are overweight. Guys never want to date me… they only want to have sex with me, in secret. I do my best to stay positive but at night, when I’m laying in bed alone, I can’t help but wonder, ‘Why me? Why was I born like this, when my best friends were born perfect and beautiful? Why aren’t there any good men out there that will see me for who I am inside, instead of the size of my body? When is it going to be MY turn to be happy?’
No one knows how depressed and lonely I truly am, and I hate that I can’t talk to anyone about it. The few times I’ve tried, all anyone has to say is, “Be patient, you’ll find someone when you least expect it.” Thanks for trying, but that is honestly the last thing I want to hear. I’m very quickly losing faith.
I’ve changed lately… and in a very good way.
This change has to do with my self-confidence and overall perception of myself. I always considered myself to be a very confident person, but below the surface I was constantly doubting myself. And I knew it, too. Then suddenly everything changed. I can’t really pinpoint the exact moment, but I realized that I am an attractive young woman with a great sense of humor and a very easy-going attitude. It just hit me one day. I think that I was doing my makeup, and when I stood back and looked at myself, it was like I was seeing myself clearly for the first time. It was an odd self-awakening. I’m more at ease around guys, I’m more confident in class, and I just have this attitude of “Hey, I can do what I want and it is what it is.”
Now I feel like an adult. I feel like a contender in the world. And I don’t know where this is going to take me, but I know that it’s definitely going to affect my life in a positive way. Everything seems new, even things that I’ve been doing for a long time. I’m more excited about mundane, everyday tasks and the like. I’m appreciating beauty in all aspects of life, even those that aren’t so apparent. I’m trying to understand people, and why they do what they do. I’m fascinated by traveling, by foreign things, and by everyday experiences.
This entry seems like the inner monologue of a character at the end of the movie. You know, they’re walking down the street/beach/field etc., they’re observing the world around them, and they’re narrating their feelings and their sense of presence in the world. The camera pans out, and shows the world moving around them. A trendy, uplifting song plays, and then the screen fades to black. Roll credits.
The only thing is, to me, that I’m not anticipating those credits. This is the beginning of something new and beautiful, and I can’t wait to explore it further.
I wear hats for no reason and I do math homework in the bath. I say what occurs to me to say, when it occurs to me to say it and I dance around the kitchen when no-one else is at home. I like classical music and cake and talking to strangers and looking at stars and that earthy smell you get after a rainstorm. You don’t know it but I love you very much. My life is happy and people are wonderful.
I was standing in a train station, waiting to take the Long Island Rail Road to Merrick, NY. As I was standing amongst the throngs of people waiting for the evening train out of Manhattan, a young woman approached me.
“Can I ask you for a bizarre favor?” she asked.
“How bizarre is your request?” I replied.
“Well, (almost laughing), I’d like you to read me a poem.”
I asked her if she had a poem in mind, cause I was fresh out. She had a book of poems. apparently, she wanted to try overcoming fears of hers. This was a manifestation of her fear of approaching people who she wanted to approach but felt shy to do so. I tried to explain to her, as she explained her logic in wanting me to read her a poem—that she had won!
She had successfully approached me and made me interested in her.
Still, “I don’t think you need me to read you this poem, but I’ll still do it,” I said.
“Please,” she said.
So I read her that fucking poem, and it was beautiful.
Her name was Theresa.
About a week ago, I met a girl on a website called Omegle, this is an anonymous chatting website. We got on really well, so decided to swap MSN addresses. We have been talking loads, and we still haven’t got bored of each others company. We both really like each other, and she has put a smile on my face for about five days straight. I feel like I am overflowing with happiness, I didn’t know someone could be so amazing.