Entries tagged with "fear"
My mom told me that when you go to heaven, God gives you all the balloons you lost when you were alive. The only part that sucks about that, is that I’m afraid of balloons. I know what you’re thinking, something along the lines of, ‘who’s afraid of balloons?’ Yeah, I’ve heard that before. But when you think, and I mean really think, you might be able to understand my logic behind it. Since you don’t actually know how I think yet, I’ll explain it this once. It’s like this: Picture yourself holding this pretty, shiny balloon. You’re holding this balloon when all of a sudden, the balloon hits something that’s barely even sharp or pointy, like the goddamn ceiling or something. The balloon pops, but not in a way that it’s like a bubble popping and it makes no sound. Nope, when this balloon pops it’s like a mini explosion. It’s basically a time bomb, but you don’t know when the boom happens. My beautiful play toy just scared the crap out of me. No, God, you can keep those balloons that I set free. Give them to someone else that loves being scared at random times. Someone that’s truly messed up, but that seems like everyone.
Who I was:
For a long time I refused to love. I purposefully disconnected myself from others, completely unwilling to give them any piece of myself. Not loving gave me strength. I was not vulnerable; I protected myself. Relationships were weaknesses and so were emotions. I was untouchable. I felt complete in the strength I had created. I wasn’t.
Who I am:
I realized the importance of connections with others. I began to see beauty in relationships and expressing emotions. I have experienced freedom in the vulnerability that is created when you care about someone. Today I am scared. I am scared that I do not know how to love. My boyfriend wants to marry me. He tells me he loves me; sometimes I know that I love him. I am afraid that neither of us will be able to make the sacrifices needed to make our relationship last forever. I want this to last forever, but I am afraid because I don’t know how. I have never given anyone any piece of me.
I’m terrified of the world I must attempt to live in.
I have SO much love for everything. I understand myself, my path in life, but I just CAN NOT understand everyone else.
I realize everyone has their own opinions, but when I see starving children, I get tears in my eyes, and I don’t understand how every single person in this world doesn’t feel the exact same way as I do.
It’s amazing how things can CHANGE a person. Although there will always be pain, arguments, and disaster, we could still make this world so much better than it is now.
How do I go into the world as a young adult, to this horrific planet of hurt and insanity, and try to change it?
…I know that I’m going to change someone’s life, and try to even change the world… but because of that one fact: Everyone has their own opinions; we will never fully live the amazing life’s we could.
If everyone thought of the possibilities and happiness we could accomplish by changing EVERYTHING in the world, it would be 100x’s better than it is now.
Unfortunately, most of you suck.
My life isn’t easy. Hell nobody’s is. I blame myself for so much. I have never learned to fully let go. because I’m afraid of what will happen to me if I forget. I’ve made my own life a living hell and dragged whoever has tried to help me through.
But… I am currently in love with the most amazing and caring woman I have ever met in my life… and she loves me and every time i talk to her it all melts away. She is the first person that i have felt has truly loved me.
So please, everyone, there is hope! There is someone for everybody. All we have to do is be open to the possibility of happiness and it will flow into our lives. This may seem like over optimistic bull shit but life is a blink of an eye in the grand scheme of things… let someone make a positive mark on yours. To everyone who has had hardships and pain and had nowhere to turn: There is someone that loves you somewhere… and they will never be complete without you.
My dreams are so realistic that sometimes I can’t tell what has actually happened to me. I am addicted to coffee because I’m afraid to fall asleep. I’m worried that someday I might get stuck in my dreams. What’s worse, is sometimes I hope I don’t wake up.
I don’t know if I will ever be able to truly love someone.
I don’t know if anyone will ever be able to truly love me.
I don’t want to wait because that might be in a long, long time. I don’t want to risk getting hurt. I don’t know if I could let him in and tell him my secrets. I don’t want to be rejected or left for someone better. I just don’t want anything to go wrong, but that is impossible.
I guess I am supposed to be alone.
One of the things I value most in life is love. My luck with women has been horrible as all the women I have had interest in have either used me or turned out to be slutty. These experiences have made me afraid to ask anyone out and I’m afraid I may end up like my father. My father has had three wives and hasn’t loved a single one. He married because marriage is more financially stable than being single. The chick I am into now is really cute and she seems really sweet. I only hope this works out but to be honest I can’t see anyone truly loving me for me.
I’m 19 years old, tall, blonde, blue eyes and way too outgoing for my own good! I spend a ton of time in A2 and work at a daycare full time. I have parents that are way too strict and friends that are way too crazy, but I need change. I need something new—here’s why!
I have a two o’clock curfew and I have gone by that for the past year. Three days ago I get home twenty minutes late after having called a half hour before telling my parents I was going to be late. I get home and here’s how the conversation went:
Dad: Why are you late?
Me: My friend’s ride got drunk and left him in Ann Arbor.
Dad: How the hell is that your problem.
Me: He is my friend.
Dad: Well, he shouldn’t be anymore. I want you home every day at 9:30PM from now on.
Me: I’m almost 20, hell no.
Dad: Then find a new place to live.
So that’s what I’m going to do. It’s scary upsetting and I have no idea what’s going to happen, but look for me in Florida where the sun is always out and it never snows. Michigan is no good anyway.
In one year I will be a commissioned officer in the US Army. It frightens me and drives me that people will trust me with their lives, the well-being of their families, and the safety of our future will be placed on my shoulders. I am worried that I won’t be able to bring everyone home and that some daughter or son will have to grow up without their father or mother. The stress has led me to drink and I am worried that I may become an alcoholic. I hope that I can live up to all the expectations that have been placed on me and that I can be a role model for others.
I am a 20 year old college student that has the whole world ahead of her.
The only problem is that I can’t stop thinking about what is wrong with my life. All of my Great-Grandmothers died with Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s disease and I am watching my Grandfather go through the same thing. I am so afraid that I will come home one weekend and he won’t remember me. I want more than anything to not be living my life and be able to leave this world, but the only thing that is keeping me here is my family. I know what it would put them through and I could NEVER do that to them.
I just wish that I had something to live for other than my family. I know that if I ever have children or get married then I would put them through my chronic illnesses and that is the last thing I want. I don’t deserve anything that I have or any of the love that I am receiving from my family or any of the friends that I have. I am trying to put on a show for everyone to make them think that I am fine.
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