My life has been a wreck off and on my whole life. I’ve spent time as an alcoholic, a social reject, a drug abuser, and a mean person. I used to think the mean stage of my life was the reason life was punishing me, then I realized one day maybe I was punishing myself.
I now have a husband and a young son. My husband was diagnosed as a schizophrenic two weeks after I found out I was pregnant, and for the first time in my life, I didn’t go in the bathroom, look in the mirror, and blame myself. I accepted the facts and we are doing just fine five years later. Sometimes it isn’t a bad thing for things to be hectic, crazy, or a mess. I’m okay when everything is not okay.
I’m a drug addict. I use for fun. The fun causes me trouble. The trouble causes me stress. I use to alleviate stress. The using causes me trouble, and so on. I can’t stop.
I want help, but don’t want help.
I need help.
Hi. I’m 25, I work in the science field, I have a promising career, great friends, and a lot of debt. Twister is, I am an addict. I’ve been abusing pain pills and a little heroin for the last five years. I made it through college, with plenty of depressing episodes. You can’t imagine the pain that an addict feels when he is coming down. I recently did my last detox (or so I claim). It’s a pain that radiates from your bones, you would do anything, kill anything, steal anything just to be free from the pain. Imagine mid-evil torture and that’s about what it feels like. I would beat my own arms and legs against things just so I could ignore the pain in my bones for a few minutes. My best friend has a great job too, and he’s an alcoholic. I love him dearly but we couldn’t be different and couldn’t ever understand each other’s pain.
I am just learning to be the man I’ve always wanted to be. I’ve been a heroin addict for three years and went to rehab 70 days ago. I am living in a half way house and go to meetings and groups every day. I am learning to stop my people-pleasing behaviors and learn to be assertive. I am growing and trying to stay patient, humble, and tolerant. I am starting to love myself and only think in the present. Just for today. When I think about all that I’ve been through, I start to realize I don’t need to ever use again. Today, I live with no fear, being honest with myself and others, one day at a time.
I suppose you could say I have a slightly interesting story. Here’s about half of it: I’m 19 years old, I’ve just graduated from high school, and I’ve been fighting depression for a few years now. I’ve been physically, emotionally, and verbally abused by my stepfather for the past six years; most of my loved ones have or have had cancer, including my best friend and boyfriend. My grandmother was an alcoholic; my mother has done nearly every drug, except heroin and ecstasy, and is a depressed alcoholic who continues to smoke weed almost every day; my father has 3 children, all from different women. I’ve also recently found out that my boyfriend, who I am completely in love with, has a women in a different state who is carrying his child.