I’m terrified of the world I must attempt to live in.
I have SO much love for everything. I understand myself, my path in life, but I just CAN NOT understand everyone else.
I realize everyone has their own opinions, but when I see starving children, I get tears in my eyes, and I don’t understand how every single person in this world doesn’t feel the exact same way as I do.
It’s amazing how things can CHANGE a person. Although there will always be pain, arguments, and disaster, we could still make this world so much better than it is now.
How do I go into the world as a young adult, to this horrific planet of hurt and insanity, and try to change it?
…I know that I’m going to change someone’s life, and try to even change the world… but because of that one fact: Everyone has their own opinions; we will never fully live the amazing life’s we could.
If everyone thought of the possibilities and happiness we could accomplish by changing EVERYTHING in the world, it would be 100x’s better than it is now.
Unfortunately, most of you suck.
I don’t know if I will ever be able to truly love someone.
I don’t know if anyone will ever be able to truly love me.
I don’t want to wait because that might be in a long, long time. I don’t want to risk getting hurt. I don’t know if I could let him in and tell him my secrets. I don’t want to be rejected or left for someone better. I just don’t want anything to go wrong, but that is impossible.
I guess I am supposed to be alone.
I am left with what feels like the dying embers of what was a very good relationship. I want to marry this boy so badly that I even dream about it. Oddly specific, don’t you think? But over the course of four years he has sown enough doubt into his true intentions for me to say, now, that he really wants to be with me. After four years, “I don’t know” is the same as “no,” right?
I’m a liar. I lie so much, that there are some things I’ve actually started to believe. I tell people I’m Puerto Rican to avoid being called ‘white girl’. I have my whole fake history going back like, four generations. When I was thirteen I met this guy, we dated for about a year on and off, but I tell people it was two. Makes it seem more attached. I also say I lost my virginity to him, and got pregnant but lost the baby. Wrong, but I actually got so attached to the fake baby that I cried for months when I got my period. I actually lost it to this guy I met on vacation, and thought I was really pregnant. Wrong, same reaction. I tell people that I hallucinate, and even though I know what’s real and what isn’t, I’ve started talking to people that aren’t there. I’m sixteen, and I’m starting to believe that nothing is real. I’m scared.
I have such a boring life. I’m 16, hang out with my friends and family, have no boyfriend, don’t get involved in any drama, and I have no significant secrets about my life. but one day I hope I do, because I want to know that there is something so big that happened in my life that only I know about. the only problem is that the people who carry those secrets hate it and would kill to have my ‘perfect’ life, but I still want it. i want something big to happen in my life that I will forever hold as my secret that changed my life, one that no one else knows. I want to be able to know that I have something to tell when someone I love asks me to tell them something that they don’t know about me, because right now, I have no secrets, and I probably never will.
I worked at a detention home in NY, trying to make the world a better place. In less than 2 years i knew i would never make a difference. I packed up, left NY and went to school in FL to work with zoo animals. Since i graduated, i got engaged, broke a heart, obtained more debt then I’d like to think about, met my best friend and introduced more people to animals and their hardship in the wild, then can be counted.
I finally feel like I may be making a difference.
Now my best friend moved away, and I’m not sure i want to do this any more.