One day, I was walking back to my dorm in a bad mood. I looked up and saw a man heading in the opposite direction. In his hands was what appeared to be a live lobster. He held it the way you’d hold a cat, sort of under the armpits, and when he saw me looking, he raised one of its claws in a little wave (I waved back).
This is why I love this town—it seems like, whenever I start to get really discouraged, the city of Ann Arbor steps in and says, “Here, have some whimsy on the house.”
I am suffering from depression and it is ruining my college experience, I’ve had a hard life but I am so proud of what I have come to be. But for the last four months, I’ve been to a place I haven’t been to in years. I’m refusing to give up on myself but I’m dying to be myself again.
Reading a few of these journals, I realized that I have not kept in touch with anyone I went to college with. I graduated in 1977. I have such fond memories of Ann Arbor and all the people I knew there—how could I have left them all behind? How much richer would my life have been if I had kept in touch?
I am 30 years old. I live in my parent’s basement. They did it to help me go to college. I am currently working full time and going to college full time. I feel like I will never leave their basement. My fiance left because of it, but he wasn’t working to help out. I don’t think I’ll ever find someone else due to low self esteem from weight issues. I wish people could see past the few pounds I’m overweight and actually give me a chance. But, as shallow as people don’t like to see themselves, they are. It has given me the worst self esteem out of anyone I know. I wanted to write to maybe hopefully change one persons mind about the way they view other people. Just because someone is slightly overweight, does not mean they are dirty, trashy or stupid. We know we’re heavy. You don’t have to give us dirty looks, some of us try to not be that way but it is hard. Look what you’ve done to my self esteem. My weight comes from a surgery that went wrong. I did not eat myself into oblivion. Look what you did to my trust. No one wants me.
I hate everything I do; it was all to get into college. Now that I’m accepted into the college of my choice, I do not know what to do or where to start.
I start college in the fall. I don’t know what I want to do with my life anymore. It scares me. I have no real passion for anything, anymore.
All I really want is to have a baby. I know it’s not a smart thing to do right now, and I’m definitely waiting. But I’ve wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember, and all I ever wish is to just be 10 years older.
When I was 13 I was really into my eating disorder. I was in treatment six times in one year. A few times they were afraid they were going to lose me. I was home-schooled my freshman year of high school because I was in and out of treatment. My sophomore year I returned to school where I met my best friend. Things got better and I got through high school. I have graduated, turned 18 and am moving for college next week. My eating disorder plagued me as an adolescent, and although I may have been able to hide my love for my eating disorder for the past four years, but I can’t help but want it back. I know it will be hard for me to get that sick again because my family will make sure they stop paying for college if I do. I have never been more conflicted in my life. I love my eating disorder so much. Looking at me, you’d never know. Its funny how people assume only skinny people are anorexic. I am anorexic, but you’d never guess.
When I graduated from high school, I hadn’t kissed anyone yet. Well, kind of. I had been kissed, but not since I was 13, and both times that had happened I’d literally just stood there and had one planted on me. So, I made up a story that I had had a thing with my best male friend, and I told my closest girl friends, and my sister.
Things change pretty quickly. I stopped wearing makeup because I felt so fucking fake and I hated myself for feeling like I had to paint my face every day. I lost my braces, and 20 pounds, got a pretty nice rack all of the sudden, and I discovered hair product. I got my lip pierced, and somewhere in there my confidence increased about 824%. When I got to college, the guys were everywhere, and for the first time in my life, they wanted me. I made some mistakes at first. I was so shocked to have someone interested in me that I didn’t really pay attention to who they were. I dated a lot of guys in the first year and a half of college, and in the meantime became someone I could finally accept. Those two things were mostly exclusive operations, by the way. I did not become a better person because of the guys I dated, that’s for sure. I did, however, learn a lot from all of them. Eventually, that best male friend of mine transferred to my school. Not long after, we started dating. The whole time, I was paranoid that he a find out about my lie in high school. It was a stupid concern, really, but it plagued my mind sometimes. He was the first guy to ever break up with me. I’m not willing to say he broke my heart, but I definitely gave him my heart, and when he handed it back, it was chipped at minimum.
I’m ashamed that anyone thinks he was my first kiss. Because of our 6+ years of history, most people in my life think of him as the most serious guy I’ve been with so far in my short life.
To those who haven’t been kissed yet, be patient. If you’re 16 or 36, be patient. I wish so much that I had been patient instead of creating this web of confusion based on a story that I sometimes forget myself isn’t true. The worst consequence is that because of my lie my former boyfriend has far more of a space and a hold on that time of my life than I ever should have given him.
I am a 20 year old, heathy girl. I’m in college, and a sorority, with a job I work hard at. I get decent grades, have friends who would be there for me not matter what, and a family who truly loves me.
But I have suicidal thoughts.
I’m plagued my sudden urges to drive my car over the guard rail, and off the overpass. These urges are accompanied by the thought that none of my stress would matter if I wasn’t alive. That scholarship I haven’t applied for wouldn’t be relevant. My terrible spending habit would be obsolete.
I am a girl who has the world ahead of her, and wants nothing to do with it.
I have an older brother who controls my life. He wants us to finish college together first and then start our lives before I can do whatever I want to do. Problem is, I’ve fallen in love with a classmate. Something I wasn’t expecting in college… Everyone is starting to see it even my brother. The boy I’m in love with has even asked my brother for his approval in us dating and he turned him down. I wish I had the strength to tell him I’ve fallen in love but I can’t, I’m afraid to. I wish I can run away and leave my family but I can’t. I love them too much. Every time I think about it, I think of the disappointment the arguing the fighting the pain I see in my mom’s face when I fight with my brother so I stay quiet I don’t fight back… I don’t understand my brother… I’ve secretly been seeing the boy, but I don’t want it to be a secret. I have no shame in what I have… I’m just afraid.