Entries tagged with "children"
My life has been a wreck off and on my whole life. I’ve spent time as an alcoholic, a social reject, a drug abuser, and a mean person. I used to think the mean stage of my life was the reason life was punishing me, then I realized one day maybe I was punishing myself.
I now have a husband and a young son. My husband was diagnosed as a schizophrenic two weeks after I found out I was pregnant, and for the first time in my life, I didn’t go in the bathroom, look in the mirror, and blame myself. I accepted the facts and we are doing just fine five years later. Sometimes it isn’t a bad thing for things to be hectic, crazy, or a mess. I’m okay when everything is not okay.
So what am I doing with my life besides wasting away? 19 year old drop out with a son. Not what I was expecting my life to turn into. I used to be a straight A student with amazing potential. How I lost it all is beyond me. Maybe I shouldn’t have started drinking. Maybe I shouldn’t have started experimenting with drugs. Maybe I should’ve waited until marriage to open up my legs. Damn, I mean I never thought I’d end up pregnant to the first person I ever had sex with (a person nine years my senior). I can’t believe that people who don’t know me see me as a young dumb slut. It hurts so bad because I know the truth. My life is hard. I’m not a bad person . I’m actually quite intelligent. I feel like it shouldn’t be this way. I feel like I’ve been somehow shorted. I’m so young and I feel stuck in a life that I don’t want to be living. I want someone to come rescue me from all of this but I know its not possible. I know I’m stuck for good. I’m tired of being alone with these thoughts. Ugh, at least death is inevitable. Just gotta wait my turn.
I am going to be a better father to a child that isn’t mine than my biological father was to me.
Absent.
Irreplaceable.
I needed him.
My child will know love. And me.
In high school, senior year, I would leave school and visit my mother at work just across the street. This went on for month until I showed up and she wasn’t there.
I asked around and I was informed that she was taken to the hospital with a stomach flu.
I rushed over to the hospital, finding her sitting in a wheelchair resting in a corner. When I approached her, she was sweating and holding one of those plastic banana containers issued by the hospital. I figured it was used for any vomit she might need to catch.
There was something I noticed that day that forever sticks in my mind. The top three buttons on her shirt were undone, exposing her bra. When I looked at the front of her bra I saw that there was a safety pin holding it together. It seems the bra once had a fastener but since had broken and she replaced it with a safety pin. It dawned on me that my mother would not even buy herself anything to sacrifice for her children. That was a thrilling point in my life because it told me I had no excuses about being a success. If she was willing to forsake everything for me, then I had to do the same for her.
We were foster parents and were mislead by the foster agency that we would be able to adopt our own little foster son. “There are no suitable relatives” is what we were told.
Then they changed their mind and sent him to his Aunt. For quite awhile we thought we’d never see him again. I didn’t care if I lived or died.
She called after a year and said the adoption was final and asked if we wanted to see him. She had changed his name.
That was three years ago. We go get him for a day or two each week. So he lives the life of a middle class kid during that time. The rest of the time our little boy lives in a slum. There are burned out and abandoned houses on his block and a crack house across the street. I am a psych nurse and can tell you that his aunt is mentally ill. She hits him with a belt and rarely leaves the house with him.
People tell me “how fortunate that you’ve been able to continue contact with him.”
Part of me agrees with them. And another (big) part of me want to SCREAM at them “how fortunate would you feel if this had happened to your child?” At any time she could say it’s not working out to continue contact.
I live with this every day.
I’ve realized over the past year that I want to be a mom. I have never wanted this before. I grew up saying that I was going to be a powerful, influential, single woman. I was going to change the world through my money and position. But something was missing.
Then it came to me one day, where do you find the most happiness? In families.
I was tickling my nephew and laughing with him when I got a glimpse of what I might feel if I were to ever have children. It was such an overwhelming feeling, it filled my chest and shot out through my fingertips. I didn’t want to let him go.
There is something divine about motherhood that I think the world is forgetting. Something in motherhood that fulfills a woman that nothing else can. There is something about a husband and a wife coming together to make a family that is beautiful and whole.
So is it silly of me to be dreaming of getting married to someone I choose to love and having children while the rest of the woman in the world are striving to rule the world?
I’ve been in love with the same person for the last 26 years. He was my first boyfriend, my first kiss… Life separated us for 18 long years, he got married, had two kids, and me, I just lived on.
Last year, he finally decided to separate from his wife and come back to me. It’s been almost three months. He is now depressed because he misses his kids so much. He is hurting badly.
I cannot do anything but be there. How long will it take for him to adjust? Will he ever adjust to the new reality? As far as I can see, he is angry with himself and is not letting me help in anyway. I am very afraid he will go back to his family.
And at 40 I am again, alone.
When I was 30 years old, I gave birth to my beautiful daughter. When I was 32, I held her as she died in my arms. I am now 37, and have accepted the fact that my husband and I will never conceive a healthy child—our genes don’t mix well. I would like everyone else around me to accept that fact too, and quit asking us when we plan to adopt. We don’t. Period. After you have watched a child suffer for two years like we did, your heart can’t take much more.
I did not become a mom in your standard way, hell for that matter I did not even know that I wanted a kid. Here I was, 40 years old, single, and just learning how to live again. Next thing I know, my sister’s daughter was molested by the step father and no-one was going to do anything about it. So I stepped up to the plate. My name is Julie and my little girl is Amethyst (Amy for short). I took her in three years ago and have to say that my life dramatically changed and I do have to say that she has made me a better person in trying to make her into an independent and strong young lady. She is almost 12 years old and in one month my fight for her is over and I will have full and complete custody of my little bundle of joy and would not have changed anything. I love being a “mom” even though I am still and will always be Aunt Julie. I hate the discipline but hopefully they are few and far between… she is a pretty good kiddo, and she is pretty sharp. Slowly but surely she is teaching me about loop-holes (kids really know them, told her no jumping off her dresser so she jumped off the table in her room, had to correct myself to no jumping in the house). It is a little strange that at this stage in the game, all my friends are becoming grandparents and I am going to animated movies still! But I love it! My life started at 40 with the “birth” of my nine year old bundle of joy, Amy! Thanks for letting me tell you my little story! I hope that it gave you a laugh and smile, she does for me!
I just turned 29. I am married and I have a three year old. I love my wife but she can’t seem to keep a job. I don’t know why it happens. She is smart and really good at what she does but she doesn’t make friends well and that plays against her.
While I love her I can’t shake the idea of how much she holds me back. Always having to work a second job to help support us while she is looking for a job again.
I want to go back to school and finish my degree. Then she could just stay home if she wanted.
I am thinking of leaving her because if I stay I might end up hating her and I don’t want to hate her. I can stand the idea of not being with her more then I can stand the idea of hating her.
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