Entries tagged with "change"
There has been one event in my life that has shaped me more as a human being and taught me more about understanding and comfort and caring more than any self-help book or Doctor could have. Any event in life that can shape someone that much is worth mentioning, even if never to be heard by anyone. Getting this off my chest right now has been more help to me personally than any doctor or drug could have.
Thank you for every minute of every tear I have shed.
Thank you, Brandon.
And I love you, uncle Scott. Please, always get tested for HIV/AIDS. I don’t ever want to forget my uncle like my family has. I love you, uncle Scott.
I believe in soul-mates, sure. But not just one—I believe someone can have many soul-mates. They come in all different forms. As a mother, brother, mentor, lover, friend. A soulmate is someone who has touched your life in a way you cannot explain. They give you something you never knew you had. Through the most painful parts of my life it is that truth that keeps me going. When my first love left me I felt like there was nothing left in my life. Behind all the pain I realized I was changed. It is through pain that people learn the most about themselves. It sucks to think of all the pain in the world. However, when you get past it all you might just realize that those who have hurt you the most were just soul-mates passing through your life, changing you for the better. And it is emerging through the pain that helps you find what you really love in life. It took me the longest time to trust the men closest to me. I am still learning to not hate. Hate my father for being violent. Hate myself for not sticking up for my sister and me. Hate my mom for never speaking up. Hate the boy who broke me in two. Hate myself for going back to him time and time again.
But once I realized my hate was just a form of pain, I could let myself begin to heal. Through dealing with pain and hurt upfront, one slowly begins to trust again, to love again, and to accept that people who bring pain, joy, annoyance, laughter, or tears are just the soul-mates passing through your life, making you a better person. Only if you let them. If you live not in vain, but in love, you will find the latter.
Who I was:
For a long time I refused to love. I purposefully disconnected myself from others, completely unwilling to give them any piece of myself. Not loving gave me strength. I was not vulnerable; I protected myself. Relationships were weaknesses and so were emotions. I was untouchable. I felt complete in the strength I had created. I wasn’t.
Who I am:
I realized the importance of connections with others. I began to see beauty in relationships and expressing emotions. I have experienced freedom in the vulnerability that is created when you care about someone. Today I am scared. I am scared that I do not know how to love. My boyfriend wants to marry me. He tells me he loves me; sometimes I know that I love him. I am afraid that neither of us will be able to make the sacrifices needed to make our relationship last forever. I want this to last forever, but I am afraid because I don’t know how. I have never given anyone any piece of me.
So much to say, where to begin?
I’ve always been a restless person. You know, the kind that knows there’s something more to do, see, or experience out there—so when I tell you that I’ve been raised entirely in the Southern United States, you might be able to understand why I feel trapped.
So I got away. I ran to Japan for a month, loving every second of my awkward exposure there. It felt more like home than my birthplace ever did, as if just that month was more comfortable than the whole life I’ve lived elsewhere. But where my comfort begins, others stop.
I’m engaged.
We’ve had such a long courtship. Almost six years worth of being in each others lives, families, hearts. I feel drawn to this place, this land of the rising opportunity and change while my partner clings to our apartment, our family, our city. We live half an hour away from family and my partner feels that even this is too far. Loving this quiet person is almost a curse. This almost phobic shyness of people holds me back. It makes me feel like I have to settle when I could be winning at life.
I’m sick of running with this sandbag of a person tied to my legs, but I can’t leave because it’s so painful to be alone. Without… him.
Do I do what feels right for me, or do I stay because I love him?
I’m terrified of the world I must attempt to live in.
I have SO much love for everything. I understand myself, my path in life, but I just CAN NOT understand everyone else.
I realize everyone has their own opinions, but when I see starving children, I get tears in my eyes, and I don’t understand how every single person in this world doesn’t feel the exact same way as I do.
It’s amazing how things can CHANGE a person. Although there will always be pain, arguments, and disaster, we could still make this world so much better than it is now.
How do I go into the world as a young adult, to this horrific planet of hurt and insanity, and try to change it?
…I know that I’m going to change someone’s life, and try to even change the world… but because of that one fact: Everyone has their own opinions; we will never fully live the amazing life’s we could.
If everyone thought of the possibilities and happiness we could accomplish by changing EVERYTHING in the world, it would be 100x’s better than it is now.
Unfortunately, most of you suck.
I’m studying international politics. I took this path because I believe so strongly that I can change the world, that my endeavors and my love for humanity will help to bring about a better community that we can all say that we are a part of. I think that there are people out there who are so clouded by what is going on in their personal lives that they cannot see that their planet is being destroyed; that the framework that is upholding their society is crumbling; and that we’re all in it together. I think that once we realize the latter, and accept it, things will be a lot better.
People tell me that I’m foolish, that I’m too idealistic and not realistic. It’s not their words that make me weep. It’s their belief that this world cannot be a better place that streaks tears down my face. Things can only change if there are enough people willing to make the change. I, for one, will always believe that this world can be better and that all humans are decent enough to actually make it work.
I’ve changed lately… and in a very good way.
This change has to do with my self-confidence and overall perception of myself. I always considered myself to be a very confident person, but below the surface I was constantly doubting myself. And I knew it, too. Then suddenly everything changed. I can’t really pinpoint the exact moment, but I realized that I am an attractive young woman with a great sense of humor and a very easy-going attitude. It just hit me one day. I think that I was doing my makeup, and when I stood back and looked at myself, it was like I was seeing myself clearly for the first time. It was an odd self-awakening. I’m more at ease around guys, I’m more confident in class, and I just have this attitude of “Hey, I can do what I want and it is what it is.”
Now I feel like an adult. I feel like a contender in the world. And I don’t know where this is going to take me, but I know that it’s definitely going to affect my life in a positive way. Everything seems new, even things that I’ve been doing for a long time. I’m more excited about mundane, everyday tasks and the like. I’m appreciating beauty in all aspects of life, even those that aren’t so apparent. I’m trying to understand people, and why they do what they do. I’m fascinated by traveling, by foreign things, and by everyday experiences.
This entry seems like the inner monologue of a character at the end of the movie. You know, they’re walking down the street/beach/field etc., they’re observing the world around them, and they’re narrating their feelings and their sense of presence in the world. The camera pans out, and shows the world moving around them. A trendy, uplifting song plays, and then the screen fades to black. Roll credits.
The only thing is, to me, that I’m not anticipating those credits. This is the beginning of something new and beautiful, and I can’t wait to explore it further.
I feel like I’ve spent most of my life playing it safe. Everything’s been calculated—there are just no more surprises. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I just ditched my routine and did something spontaneous, I don’t know followed a dream for a change. But as soon as I think about it I realize that nothing will change. I will continue this monotonous life because I am too scared of what else could be out there.
I am 30 years old. I live in my parent’s basement. They did it to help me go to college. I am currently working full time and going to college full time. I feel like I will never leave their basement. My fiance left because of it, but he wasn’t working to help out. I don’t think I’ll ever find someone else due to low self esteem from weight issues. I wish people could see past the few pounds I’m overweight and actually give me a chance. But, as shallow as people don’t like to see themselves, they are. It has given me the worst self esteem out of anyone I know. I wanted to write to maybe hopefully change one persons mind about the way they view other people. Just because someone is slightly overweight, does not mean they are dirty, trashy or stupid. We know we’re heavy. You don’t have to give us dirty looks, some of us try to not be that way but it is hard. Look what you’ve done to my self esteem. My weight comes from a surgery that went wrong. I did not eat myself into oblivion. Look what you did to my trust. No one wants me.
When I was 13 I was really into my eating disorder. I was in treatment six times in one year. A few times they were afraid they were going to lose me. I was home-schooled my freshman year of high school because I was in and out of treatment. My sophomore year I returned to school where I met my best friend. Things got better and I got through high school. I have graduated, turned 18 and am moving for college next week. My eating disorder plagued me as an adolescent, and although I may have been able to hide my love for my eating disorder for the past four years, but I can’t help but want it back. I know it will be hard for me to get that sick again because my family will make sure they stop paying for college if I do. I have never been more conflicted in my life. I love my eating disorder so much. Looking at me, you’d never know. Its funny how people assume only skinny people are anorexic. I am anorexic, but you’d never guess.
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