Entries tagged with "age"
I’m 13 years old. I’m a boy. I live in a small town in Washington… my life has been hell… over and over again I have been talked down to, by friends, by my abusive father, by a mother that doesn’t care, I may be only 13, but even though my heart is broken, I still care for people that might not care about me… usually people write on here about how bad their life is, or how bad their day is, even if it’s weird, I still care, whoever you are and where ever you are, no matter what happens, there is ALWAYS someone out there who has to care… always, I have tried to kill myself five times and I don’t know why I stopped any of the times, maybe it was the feeling of wanting more, or maybe wanting to try again I’m not sure, so if you are having a bad day, just know that even though you may not even know me, what I look like or even my fucking name… I still care!
For the people who have been hurt, I hope I helped.
Have a nice day.
I’m 23 years old and have accomplished nothing. I haven’t had a job in five years. I don’t have family, at least not family I can rely on. I have no home I just drift from one relationship to another. I just got out of a three year relationship with someone I considered my best friend but I can hardly look at him. I left him for his best friend.
Everything is strange. I thought, when I was younger I knew what love was. I am an “adult” now and I’m not sure.
I just don’t want to be alone.
I don’t want to have OCD or panic disorder.
I wish I didn’t have to rely on these stupid meds that I can’t afford anymore.
I wish I could relate to people and not cats.
I wish I knew for certain if he loved me… why does every decision I make feel like the wrong one? Would I even know if I was doing something right?
I hate other girls.
I hate trying to keep up with the world.
I hate the way people treat me.
I hate people.
I hate.
One day I’ll wake up from a long over-due sleep, where the air just feels right, and the light breaks into brightly colored fractals that dance on my eyelashes, and every breath I take has meaning, and for once, I’ll be ok with myself.
I need a sturdy beam.
Hello, I’m 18 years old. I think I’m gay… funny that I’m already 18 and I’m still not sure about it. I woke up one day feeling different, strange. I live in a very very closed society, and so, I’m not really sure if I should come out but I feel repressed. Other than that I’m a perfectly normal 18 year old, I love art and I think its really easy to talk to strangers because they don’t judge and if they do, you’ll never find out. I wish everyone who reads this the strength to be happy no matter what and the courage to look for it.
So what am I doing with my life besides wasting away? 19 year old drop out with a son. Not what I was expecting my life to turn into. I used to be a straight A student with amazing potential. How I lost it all is beyond me. Maybe I shouldn’t have started drinking. Maybe I shouldn’t have started experimenting with drugs. Maybe I should’ve waited until marriage to open up my legs. Damn, I mean I never thought I’d end up pregnant to the first person I ever had sex with (a person nine years my senior). I can’t believe that people who don’t know me see me as a young dumb slut. It hurts so bad because I know the truth. My life is hard. I’m not a bad person . I’m actually quite intelligent. I feel like it shouldn’t be this way. I feel like I’ve been somehow shorted. I’m so young and I feel stuck in a life that I don’t want to be living. I want someone to come rescue me from all of this but I know its not possible. I know I’m stuck for good. I’m tired of being alone with these thoughts. Ugh, at least death is inevitable. Just gotta wait my turn.
I didn’t know I was hurting myself. Not at first. I was 9, wasn’t it natural to pull your hair out in clumps, because the pain soothed you and made you not think about how disgusting you were, how inferior to your sister, how unstable your family environment was?
And at 11, isn’t it natural to play with fire? Letting the hot wax fall and harden on your skin, because it was distracting you from your father’s affair, your parents divorce, their shipping you out to live with your alcoholic uncle and crazy grandmother who believed women were made for cooking and cleaning?
And at 14, look! Other people hurt themselves too, by cutting themselves. But see, no one takes it seriously. It’s just silly teenage girls being stupid. Do it, so you don’t have to think… then you recognize the problem, because your mother is sobbing and telling you to stop.
So you do.
But you become homebound, at 15. You don’t want to go out. Why would you? You’ll only be criticized for being so fat and ugly and poor.
But then, at 20, you can’t. And you have to go out. And now what? You start picking at your skin. But this is natural, right? Not a problem.
But it is. You’re still hurting yourself, and this time, again, you didn’t even know it.
But it’s soothing, so how can you stop?
I am a 20 year old college student that has the whole world ahead of her.
The only problem is that I can’t stop thinking about what is wrong with my life. All of my Great-Grandmothers died with Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s disease and I am watching my Grandfather go through the same thing. I am so afraid that I will come home one weekend and he won’t remember me. I want more than anything to not be living my life and be able to leave this world, but the only thing that is keeping me here is my family. I know what it would put them through and I could NEVER do that to them.
I just wish that I had something to live for other than my family. I know that if I ever have children or get married then I would put them through my chronic illnesses and that is the last thing I want. I don’t deserve anything that I have or any of the love that I am receiving from my family or any of the friends that I have. I am trying to put on a show for everyone to make them think that I am fine.
I’m 19. I feel like I’m already dried up. I feel like I have nothing left to offer this world.
I’m ashamed of myself. When I was younger, I was beat, I was molested, I was told I was a nothing. Yet, I stood tall during those times. I’m not ashamed because those things happened. I’m ashamed because at seven years old I had more confidence and hope in myself then I do now, at 19.
I have wonderful friends who are there for me when I need them. I honestly couldn’t ask for anything more. They are my angels. They are my reason for being here. I’m just afraid that I may not be strong enough to stay here for them. I wish I could tell them how dead I feel.
I’ll continue to pray to a God I don’t believe in anymore for the strength and hope to keep living. I wish I were seven again.
Being molested. Being hit. Being told I was worthless…
I still had my whole life in front of me.
I am a young man at the age of 19, I have a healthy body, and all my appendages work, and I know I am blessed for that. But my teeth, well, I have no two teeth in the same direction. I am embarrassed to smile and even though I have a good personality and a great sense of humor I keep myself from meeting new people for I am afraid to smile around them.
Then I met Sabina, we have been dating for a year and a half and I can smile around her, and even my family now. I have never smiled in front of anyone before.
She is the first person to give me an open mouthed laugh.
I’m the luckiest person I’ve ever met.
I’ve been cutting myself for five years. I am only 18, so it’s all I’ve ever really known. Since I’ve been developing real emotions and gone through more adult situations, it’s the only coping mechanism I’ve ever really known. Well… that, and music. I am addicted. I can say that without a problem now, and I’m glad I can. Because now that I notice I have these chains on me, I can work to become liberated from them. One thing that helps me is God. I have a very personal relationship with Him, but I fear that everyone looks at me as a hypocrite because I am also gay. I go to a Christian college, and none of the people who know about my sexuality have turned away, yet my mother told me to think about going to a different school if I really am gay… because she refuses to let my grandfather pay for the high tuition if I am not getting anything from it. My step father feels the same way. The longest conversation we have had in the past five years was about 20 minutes of him yelling at me and telling me that I can’t love Jesus and be gay. Yes, a lot of hurt comes from my family. I have been cutting for five years, and me and my step father haven’t talked in five years. That is not a coincidence. I have let their words become a truth in my mind, and it has been holding me back from my dreams ever since. Lately I haven’t known what to do with my life, and with other certain things going on, I’ve just been digging this hole for myself, and it’s been hell.
But I am starting to see the light. I am starting to get answers. I am beginning to feel love again. I am ready to get better.
I will be twenty within the next few days.
Today I realized that I have spent the last three years of my life watching the girl of my dreams slowly digging herself a hole that she will never get out of. This girl has ruined every relationship I have had since her, and when I break it off to be with her, she tosses me to the side where I sulk, waiting patiently for her to come to her senses. It hasn’t happened yet.
I believe that one of the most painful things to see, other than your own death, is to watch someone else slowly become their worst enemy through a series of poor decisions and some unsavory characters.
On top of that, I realized that I am the worst person ever. I am egotistical. I use people. I burn more bridges than I build. I put people down to make myself feel better. I am not a nice person. I am spiteful.
All of these things cease to exist when I’m with her, even if only for a split second. She brings out the best in me, or rather anything good that’s still left. Yet, she fails to realize it.
Maybe someday, she will finally get it.
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