The Strangers Project

I wanted to let you know that even though you don’t know it, your idea of the world changed my life a little bit. The fact that someone cares enough to hear so many complex and thought-provoking stories, many inflected with heartlessness and pain, and to bear it no matter what, is truly inspiring.

Recently, I began a downward spiral that was the most terrifying of my life. I was put on medication. I began to pour out some of my life as I started sharing my stories on your site. The entire time that I was medicated my self-concept began to form around the promise of adventure, creativity, and positive energies that I finally realized I still had—they’d just been buried under a thoroughly abrasive lack of hope. I remembered that I had worth, talent. I found magic, and I chase it because now I know it’s there. When I felt so horrible and dreadfully alone I couldn’t bear it, I would share an entry on your site, and realized that the mere thought that someone was reading it and that all my painful experiences weren’t just brooding inside my skull made me feel like a worthy person. Story-sharing was therapy & transcendence – it reached out across all borders, smeared them away. I would share, and then I would let myself cry, bawl, etc. For years, I wouldn’t even let myself cry because it made me feel like even less of a person. I hated myself for it, and so some very unhealthy habits persisted and perpetuated a vicious cycle where growth wasn’t happening. It seemed like my mental illness and the painful experiences surrounding it were camping out in my brain and using my resources like a Bodysnatcher. The fact that it was anonymous made it even easier—no useless judgment calls from half-invested people or professionals who wouldn’t be able to fully handle or process my reality anyway.

From talking to you over time, my suspicions that such a pattern of reading and recording other people’s burdens must take a toll were confirmed. I just wanted to say, I’m sorry. Probably more than ten stories encompassing some form of suicidal thoughts and traumatic stories—those were from me. You’ll never know what they were exactly, but you should know that a face is on some of the stories you probably thought sounded helpless, because that’s exactly how I felt at the moment I wrote them—helpless. That’s not at all how I feel now. Well, sometimes. But way less than ever before, and everybody feels that way sometimes so it’s fine. I can also process that feeling like a pro now, kick the shit out of it. I just wanted to let you know that I would never actually do it, but the thoughts are there and when they were/are really present, sharing them on your site is/was undeniably helpful. Without a venue to share them anonymously, who knows how else I would have processed them? In the past, I processed them in very unhealthy ways, and the other week I realized that sharing my stories on your site marked a serious turning point for me. I know that’s what you’re slightly used to, but I also know that it’s hard and I wanted you to know that even though I thought so many times about doing it and even went so far as to actually purchase a firearm and imagine a funeral and write a note (and edit it, I edited it off and on while thinking about when to do it, but I obviously never did it, which is obviously a very good thing) – I shared that on your site, and sharing makes the pain and aloneness stop, which is the same as blockading the trigger on any gun.

You should just know that you’re beyond appreciated, and I’m myself now, my best self that I was so far from before, and of the people that I have to thank for it, you’re the only one I’ve thanked. Maybe that speaks for how you should remember that the mere opportunity to share stories is therapeutic and wonderful. I’m even really happy about where I am as a person in my life right now, which is a big deal. I feel like so many people arrive at that point so easily, but for me it’s been a long road and I’m really happy to be here and that you (and your project) entered my life at the point that it did. You’re a doll. You’re also clearly a creative and intelligent human being that the world needs more of. I’m sad that you’re leaving, and I just really wanted to let you know all of these things, I hope that it is reflective of your efforts to reshape the world, and that my feedback isn’t too burdensome. Thank you.